Monday, 30 March 2009

And the winner of the thigh off is...

*drumroll please*

...Thigh C. I hope people voted for the thigh they wanted to pick and didn't just vote for that out of obligation, because seriously, I'd have been fine with any of the three winning.

Anyway, Thigh A was Bojan. I personally am rather shocked he didn't get a single vote. He's got some serious thigh happening.

Thigh B was Canna. I think that had this been a grin off or a bum off, he'd have walked it, but for some reason, the thigh off didn't quite work out. *shrugs* Maybe I will do a grin off in future.

Thigh C - well, I'm sure you all know this anyway. It's Vicente. So that's two thigh offs in a week. I think it's pretty safe to say he's earned his nickname.

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Valencia, here I come!

My trip is FINALLY booked! I'm going to Valencia from 12th-17th April. I love that work gave me Sunday off because it's Easter and we're shut. It means cheaper flights and a day longer in Spain. Yay! I'm going to start writing my holiday checklist now. And raiding my wardrobe for clothes I want to take. I'm so freaking excited, it's unreal. Less than 2 weeks!!!

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Friday, 27 March 2009

More thighs, because I can




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Valencia thighs

I got sort of inspired by the Kickette TTO this week and decided to compile a list of all the drool worthy thighs in this squad. Yes, it took me a long time to narrow it down to just one pic per guy. And yes, it took all my will power not to include every single one of the boys. They really do have a good set of thighs. Anyway, enough talk. Step right this way for the evidence...

Joaquin

Baraja

Pablo

Fernandes

Mata

Silva

Viana
RENNIE!

Mori

Albiol

Carleto

Dahveed

Albelda

Alexis

And the very definition of Valencia thigh - Vicente


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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

*needs oxygen mask*


The amount of thigh on show in this pic is seriously insane. It is also killing me very slowly. But don't worry. It's a hella good way to go.

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Tuesday, 24 March 2009

The Thigh Off Final!!

I know it took waaay longer than it was supposed to. Sorry about that, I just kind of kept putting it off, and I don't even know why, it'a not like I don't like looking at thighs. Anyway, it's finally here now. Voting will be open until 12.01 on Friday.

Photobucket Thigh A vs Photobucket Thigh B vs Photobucket Thigh C

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Friday, 20 March 2009

CL Draw

Ok, so this is how the games from here to the end of the CL competition will be this year.

The quarter final draw is:
Villarreal v Arsenal
Manchester United v FC Porto
Liverpool v Chelsea
Barcelona v Bayern Munich

The semi final draw is:
Villarreal/Arsenal vs Manchester United/FC Porto
Liverpool/Chelsea vs Barcelona/Bayern Munich


So, basically, my reaction to the draw. First up, the quarter finals...well, surprise surprise, Man U got the easy draw. This is football, and anything is possible, but I think they'll make the semi final. I didn't really want to see Villareal play Arsenal either because I like both teams. Barca have been unstoppable in La Liga this year, but in Europe, they've seemed shaky at times. I don't think this is going to be an upset, they're the favourites and I think they'll go through, but Bayern may well get something out of the games if they are quick out of the starting blocks. As for Liverpool's draw...AGAIN?! Are you fucking kidding me? I am so sick of Chelsea. Every year, you can GUARANTEE that Liverpool-Chelsea is in there somewhere. What, is it not a proper competition unless those two teams have played each other? Well, I suppose I can at least thank my lucky stars I'll have gotten to live for a day as a 21 year old before the urge to blow my brains out through boredom takes over.

And the semi finals? Well, it was inevitable that the draw would make English teams meet in the semis too if they get past the quarter final stages. UEFA really don't like the fact the the EPL is currently dominating Europe, which is kind of good in a way, because I watch the EPL all the time and the football's not the prettiest there is...having said that, all four teams are clearly very strong and deserve to be where they are in Europe. I don't like the idea of Liverpool vs Barca. I'm pretty confident we can beat them if it comes to that, we've done it before. And lets face it, it's not a worthwhile victory if you don't beat the best on the way. Liverpool play better as underdogs. They always have done, and probably always will do. It suits them because it takes the pressure off them and they can focus more on the task they have to do.

So, basically, having to potentially face Chelsea and Barca, Liverpool have the hardest draw and the hardest road to the final. I bet we'll see them there though, and if that happens, whoever their opponent is wants to watch out. The final is in Rome. We ALWAYS win in Rome.

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Thursday, 19 March 2009

Please stop, I can't take anymore.

Fuck you.

There's so many things wrong with that article, I don't even know where to begin. The Davids must not under any circumstances leave. Both are far too important to the team and when they are on form, they're unstoppable. Fuck right off if you think Vicente's going anywhere. That guy bleeds Valencia. He wouldn't leave no matter how many people were after him. Honestly, I don't want Joaquin leaving either, but out of those four, he's the one I'd sacrifice. Also, since when is 27 years old, well...old? That's the same fucking age as Veeyah. Don't be so rude. Mata needs to stay to help build the future of the team. You can't get rid of all three left wingers, don't be so fucking stupid. Actually, according to this article, they're basically selling off all the attacking players. And who's going to score your goals, geniuses? Marchena? Don't make me laugh. They need to keep hold of Fernandes too, because Baraja and Albelda are getting old, and they're not the powerhouses they were 5 years ago. But then again, if he wants to leave, then get some kind of bidding war going and at least get some good money for him. Miguel - well, Valencia's defence needs a lot of work, that's no secret. If he goes, I don't see who's going to take his place out of the current squad. Maduro usually covers, but he's not a defender and it's unfair to expect him to play as such. And Albiol leaving? Aside from Alexis, he is the only defender capable of DEFENDING. Yes, he has been fail of late, but come on. They cannot all be perfect the whole motherfucking time.

And then we come to this:
"Warhorses such as Ruben Baraja, David Albelda, Miguel Angulo and Carlos Marchena are likely to follow the club right the way down to the ground. Because that's where they're heading, and what a shameful moment it will be for Spanish football."

Fuck. You. They are not heading into the ground. They have come back from things much worse than this. Just shut up if you don't know what you're talking about. Baraja couldn't have said it any better. All of this transfer speculation and talking like the club is already condemned is just downright disrespectful. There's still another 11 games of the season left, they can turn it around and make the CL places. I know they can. I have faith.

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Tuesday, 17 March 2009

I think my world just fell apart.

Fuck no. That is all.

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Ok, I'm lame

I totally realised that the final for the thigh off didn't go up when I said it would. Sorry, I've been crazy busy, and sometimes, I would forget my own head if it wasn't firmly attached to my body. Anyway, it will be up soon, I promise. Watch this space.

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Monday, 16 March 2009

Player of the week


So this week was pretty good I guess. Zigic wins it, I guess all these Valencia people really do just want to share the love. Except Palop, who was an inexplicable fail :(
Still, I am so glad I bought Vicente. Look at how bloody good he is! Didn't even score, and he still got more puntos than Llorente who DID score. Yay. I love him so much.

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Friday, 13 March 2009

I knew it!

He wouldn't let me down. Read this. You see the bit where they say he does not want to leave Spain? Yeah, tough luck City. You're outside of Spain. Give it up, money can't buy you love. Or Dahveed Veeyah.

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Thursday, 12 March 2009

OMG, I want one!


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Thigh off results - part 2!

So the polls are now closed. The votes have been counted. The finalists are known (well to me anyway. I'm sure a lot of you have figured out whose thighs they are too). The winners are as follows:

Thigh off 7 - Thigh B
Tough luck to Kun. He was outvoted. A lot. Still, the thigh in the final is more than worthy.

Thigh off 8 - Thigh A
Another almost complete whitewash of votes. Carleto just got the one vote. Tough luck kiddo.

Thigh off 9 - Thigh A
This was SO close. SO effing close. But, with one vote more, thigh A beat Sergio.

The finalists are going to need some time to prepare, but come Sunday, it's going to be open for battle. I'm going to have to do some serious studying of thighs to pick the best pic. Oh, the chore.

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I will stop soon, I promise

Do. Not. Want.

I don't know how many times I need to say this before people start paying attention to me. It took me a good few weeks of bleating on about Vicente starting a game until he finally did. And even then, it was only because there were no other options available more than Unai wanting to play him. If I have to do the same for this, then I will. He can't leave. He musn't leave. It really is that simple. Screw the money, it won't help if you don't have your best player. And if it gets to the situation where you HAVE to sell him, please don't send him to Man City. They're an alright team. Being an 'alright team' is not good enough for him. He deserves to be playing for a team that'll be in the CL every year, not a team that's barely going to scrape a mid table finish. Yes, I realise Valencia are probably closer to the latter right now, but they have the potential to be great again. They would be great if it wasn't for the fucked up finances. And also, with all the billions Man City have, they can't afford to give a little more than €40million. And Valencia aren't going to ask for more than that? Are you shitting me people?

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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

AHAHAHA!

Seriously?? I have been laughing non stop about this since I got the google alert this morning. The mere notion of it is just...no. Seriously, think about it. Dahveed has scored something like 19 goals for them already. He IS Valencia atm, when he's not on the pitch, they fail in a big way lately. Hell, they fail when he IS there sometimes, because one man alone cannot do the job of 10 others. But the thought of him leaving...do.not.want. I know that he's the main player that can bring in the money, and I get that. But come on, I think you need him a lot more than you need the money Valencia. Especially if you're going to consider bringing in Voronin as a replacement. I know that sounds like a stupid statement considering the extent of their debts, but honestly, there is only so much the money they're going to get from selling him is going to do. And when that's gone, it's the same old mess all over again, only this time, they don't have someone of his class to pull them into at least mid table mediocrity. I want them to stay true to what they've said and only sell if they absolutely HAVE to.

Liverpool. Please do not agree to this. I am counting on you. Rafa B, I know Valencia means something to you. Keep their hopes alive, please do not make them have to play with Voronin up front. He may be a good player, but he didn't work at Liverpool and I doubt he'll work at Valencia. Just sell him to Hertha, he seems to be doing ok for himself there. God, if this is what I have to put up with from now, it is going to be a long and painful summer. I think I might just hibernate it away.

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Someone stop me with the quizzes!

1. Do you like blue cheese?
No. No I do not. My tummy doesn’t agree with eating what is essentially mould.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Erm...no? But really yes. Probably on more than one occasion...

3. Do you own a gun?
No. But if I did, there would be a lot of people on my target practice list. I kid, I kid. Maybe just one or two pics of said people.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
Erm what? We don’t have that in the UK :(
At least I don't remember seeing it...

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Well yes. Which is why I only go like once every 5 years.

6. What do you think of hotdogs?
Yum yum. I want one now.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
I have no idea. Can I say Casper, seeing as they show it here every year?

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. If I don’t have one, I’m a ratty cow.

9. Can you do push ups?
No, I have a weak shoulder.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewellery?
My rings. And a really gorge necklace a friend made for me that I hardly ever wear because it’s so special and fancy and I never go anywhere cool.

11. Favorite hobby?
Er...watching football? Kicketting? Listenin to music? I dunno.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
I’d say no. People who know me would probably say yes.

13. What's your favorite shoe?
My gladiator heels :D

14. Middle name?
I don’t have one. I’m not special enough :(

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) Why do explody tummies hurt so much?
2) I miss the Valencia I used to know.
3) WTF did they feed the Liverpool players last night? I want some.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
1) Water
2) Coffee
3) Dr Pepper

17. Current worry?
Uni. Valencia. Liverpool. Take your pick.

18. Current hate right now?
I don’t have long enough to go into this in detail, so I’ll keep it short. Attention seekers. Drama queens. Know all football fans that know nothing. Explody tummies.

19. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin', or Timmy Ho's.
Krispy Kreme FTW!

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
With a lot of drink? It’s what happens when you gotta spend it with the ‘rents.

21. Where would you like to go?
I’ve travelled a lot in my life, so I guess not that many places open to me any more. Pft, like I’m going to say anything other than Valencia.

22. Name three people who will complete this?
*shrugs* The bears?

23. Do you own slippers?
Yes. I’m wearing them now. STFU ok, my feet are cold.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
Er...black t-shirt, red hoodie.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
No. Cotton ftw.

26. Can you whistle?
I can :D

27. Favorite color/s
Red, black, silver, Valencia orange.

28. Would you be a pirate?
Hell yeah! Pirates are cool. See here for the evidence.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Pretty much anything and everything.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
I quite like Savannah atm. But it changes a lot.

31. Favorite boy's name?
Ditto on the changes a lot. But atm, Josh.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
My keys, chewing gum, a lighter, my phone and my Zen. Yeah, I have a lot of crap in my pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Reading this . Really Valencia? You’re going to replace Dahveed with that?!

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
You think I remember being a child? Be serious people, I don’t even remember what bed sheets I had a week ago.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
Er...dislocated shoulder. Splitting my lip. Grazing the entire left side of my face. Chipping my front tooth.

36. Do you love where you live?
No, I hate it. I want to go live in Brighton again. Or maybe Spain when I learn the language.

37. Revenge of the Nerds or Fast Times at Ridgemont High?
IDK what either of these things is.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably Louise

39. How many dogs do you have?
None. But I want a Staff.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
*shrugs* What you asking me for?

41. What is your favorite book?
Anything that Stephen King has written. The man is a legend.

42. What is your favorite candy?
Werthers Originals. Yum yum yum.

43. Favorite Sports Team
Valencia, Liverpool, SNT, ENT. I guess.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Something upbeat and happy. None of that depressing shit, I don’t want to spend eternity with stuff like ‘Love hurts’ or ‘Ghost of You’ stuck in my head.

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Tuesday, 10 March 2009

When boredom strikes...

INSTRUCTIONS: Go to and www.urbandictionary.com type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write one definition it gives you.

1. Name: Gina
"A person deriving from the latin meaning 'Great'. This name often crops up in love poems as being the centre of love and is known for its soft sound when spoken. A truly beautiful name.
Gina is the love that revolves around my once aching heart."

Ok, well I kind of like the idea of being great. But er...that last sentence. Seriously, that should be the definition for Valencia!

And even though I'm only meant to post one, this cracked me up too much not to post it:

"Hardcore clubbing whore. Talks loudly. From a European background. Plasters on orange consealor, applies white cover up to lips. Chills on "Gino hill" in Canada's Wonderland then goes to Timmies in her boyfriend's Civic."

The only thing they got right is that I'm from a European background.

2. Age: 20
"The age at which one finally feels that the drinking age is actually somewhere in sight."

Er, I live in England. Legally, you can drink when you're 18 here so pft to that definition.

3. One of your friends: Louise
"The most evil dog bitch spawn of Satan ever to live. She is also said to steal the souls of young children in order to feed her albino daughter. "

That's just downright cruel. She's nothing like any of that stuff. Well, except maybe stealing the souls of young children part. She doesn't like kids much.

4. What I should be doing: studying
"A blend of the words "student" and "dying," used to convey the slow and painful methods schools use to corrupt the youth into socio-economic puppets."

AHAHAHAHA!!!

5. Favorite color: Red
"This describes the condition of the person who has been smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol--they are red, as in red in the face (from the alcohol) AND/OR red in the eyes (from the marijuana)"

No comment.

6. Favorite Number/s: 8, 14
8: "8 is symbolic of eternity" See, Stevie WILL be around forever!
14: "It is a lucky number as it follows the unlucky number 13." Well, yes. It's Vicente's number.

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Well, fuck

It has been confirmed. Dahveed is out for the next 2 weeks at least. Read the full article here. And yes, I know it is goal.com and they're not exactly what you'd call reliable, but it's on the Valencia site AND superdeporte, so yeah. I just couldn't be bothered to translate it.

This news is going to be a big blow to Valencia, who are suffering badly right now. They need their top goalscorer there to get the goals for them, or I just don't realistically see where they're coming from. On the one hand, it's sort of a good thing. It'll help the team realise they cannot be so Veeyah dependant. It'll give Vicente a chance to play.

On the other hand - he's their top goalscorer. They need him more than I care to admit. The fact he's not going to be there for 2 weeks to bail them out? It scares the shit out of me. They're in freefall right now, and Unai said they'd hit rock bottom already, that the only way to go from here was up. I don't think that was true. These next two weeks, the potential for Valencia to REALLY hit rock bottom is very much a possibility. They have a porous defence and nobody really lethal enough to finish teams off at the other end. I'm preparing myself for a lot tears and tantrums over the next 2 weeks.

It was just about the worst possible time for this injury to come about. I'm the kind of person that hates to see anyone injured at any time. But for a player THIS important to a team at a stage of the season where they really NEED to be winning every game they play and hoping those around them drop points in order to make the CL spots? Yeah, that's just heartbreaking.

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Monday, 9 March 2009

GUH!

Sometimes, I really love this man. Other times, I really REALLY love him.

Seriously, I don't even think I need to say anything else.

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Player of the week

So this week didn't suck as much as I thought it would, considering Dahveed didn't play again. Stupid knee injury :(
The winner is Nikola Zigic! See, all these people that have some kind of link to Valencia, they just want in on the love. A special mention to Juan Rodriguez, who is defo one of my better management decisions, 27 puntos in 2 weeks!

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Blog Challenge #9: Baller adventures

THE RULES:
You have to choose one baller to do each of the following activities with.
You can't choose the same baller for more than two answers.
You have to explain your reasons behind each answer.
Bonus lolz for being specific with certain questions!

Who would you choose to...

1) Go backpacking across Europe with
Ok, well I've been backpacking (sort of) in Bulgaria and it's actually kind of fun. Except the walking in a field full of grasshoppers part...so I would pick Fernando Llorente. He's tall enough for me to be able to jump on his back and be far enough off the ground to avoid any other icky creatures.

2) Teach you their language
Well, it has to be someone Spanish, because that's the language I want to learn the most. Vicente sounds the best, but he talks too fast, I would not learn anything. I'd say that Nando could teach me Spanish. I'd pay attention to what he was saying because I dont see him in that way.

3) Go on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with
Niko. He's clever, he can take the political questions, I'll take the legal shit and we can split the general knowledge for the most part.

4) Bake a chocolate carrot cake with
Albiol, he knows how to cook so it would be good cake. Though I can't promise there would be anything remotely chocolately about it. Other uses may be found...

5) Get drunk and sing karaoke with
Stevie. I wish I could find the video of him drunk and doing karaoke just to prove my point. And they WOULD have whatever damn song we told them to have for our duet.

6) Go on an extreme sports holiday with
Alexis looks like he'd be a fun guy to go on an extreme sports holiday with. I bet he'll turn out to be a total sissy, but those tattoos alone are enough reason for me to pick him. If I get scared, I can just make him take his shirt off and stare at them. He also looks like he'd be strong enough to carry me home when I inevitably fall and hurt myself.

7) Raise money for underprivileged kids with
Iker, because he's done it already. People know him, they trust him and it would be all too easy.

8) Marry and have lots of sex and babies with
Well, obviously it would be Vicente. Because he would totally make the cutest babies in the world. And you know, he's not playing much these days. It means he'll have plenty of energy to burn.

9) Play an embarrassingly tabloid-worthy prank on
Gattuso. Because this reaction pwns all others, you can guarantee to make the tabloids when he goes psycho.



10) Have a short but wholly satisfying sordid affair with
Dahveed. I don't know if I could deal with being bitchfaced for the rest of my life, but I could take a few weeks/months of it. And the excitement of being caught by the rest of the Valencia boys and word getting back to the hubby would make it all the more exciting.

11) Go to a fancy dress event with
Crouchie. He can be my penguin. I like penguins. He always has the coolest costumes and you can guarantee we would win first prize for best dressed pair...


12) Have a drunken hook up that you may regret with
Probably Xavi. Though if I'm honest, I'd probably regret the fact that it's not a Valencia boy more than the fact I'd regret it was Xavi. And can you imagine how bad I'd feel waking up the next morning next to a guy that's shorter than me.

13) Go ballroom dancing with
Raul. He's handsome, looks good in a suit and definitely looks like he could show me a thing or two on the dancefloor.

14) Pull off an Ocean's Eleven style heist with
Any one of the Valencia boys would totally work here, but I'm going to go with Albiol. Because he's totally ninja.
Photobucket

15) Go on a secret mission with
Erm, I would say Dahveed. Because he is totally BA and the secret mission would totally be secret forever. He'd just bitchface anyone who tried to get any information out of him.

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Saturday, 7 March 2009

Thigh off - part 9!

And the last part before the final. Votes on part 7 will close tomorrow, votes on part 8 will close on Monday and votes on this part this will close on Tuesday. The finalists will be posted on Wednsday, and if you want your fave thighs in there, get voting now.

Photobucket A or B Photobucket

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Friday, 6 March 2009

Thigh off - part 8!

Photobucket A or B Photobucket

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Are you kidding me Unai?!

So I read this today, and I have to say, I do not understand. Silva's out of the game most likely. He is a left winger. As far as I know, Michel is not. You have Vicente available to you. He's fit, he wants to play and now he has the perfect opportunity to play, and you're telling me they're going to start Michel? Unai, if this is true, you just got bumped so far up my 'do not like at this point in time' list, it's just not even funny. Seriously, what the hell does Vicente have to do to get a game?! Take out the rest of the midfield so he's your only option maybe? Oh no, wait, then you'd just play Marchena...I give up.

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Thursday, 5 March 2009

Please god no.

I know it will eventually come to this. It has to. Valencia won't survive their ridic debts if they don't sell at least some of the players. I'm just glad they've finally admitted it needs to happen and there's a chance it WILL happen this summer. I think I might deal with it a lot better when it eventually happens if I've been prepared for this. Up until now, they were adamant that Veeyah and Silva are going to stay, but the fact of the matter is, they can't say that for sure, they just never know what's going to happen. It'll hurt like hell watching them play against Valencia. That's sort of why I want Dahveed to get over himself and agree to go and play for Liverpool. At least I could sort of deal then, he won't have to come up against former team mates and inflict the sort of punishment on them that I see him inflict on others on a weekly basis. Because really, can you imagine what would happen if Valencia had to play AGAINST him?! The defence can barely deal with strikers who are much less lethal than him. Boys, please make it into the CL. Maybe some money from there will mean you can keep them until at least January. *hopes and prays, but knows she's fighting a losing battle* I'm preparing myself for a long and painful summer of transfers.

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Thigh off - part 7!

Photobucket A vs B Photobucket


It's back. Vote A or B. You have until midnight on Sunday. Don't complain if your fave doesn't make it through, you know what you have to do.

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Thigh off results!

Ok, so the first round of the thigh off is now closed. I'm not going to reveal who's thighs won, but the losing thighs have been named. The votes have been counted and the results are as follows:

Thigh off 1 winner - Thigh A.
Nando's thighs put up a good fight, but they were just edged out with 8 votes to 6.

Thigh off 2 winner - Thigh A.
Poor Xavi. This was the closest fought thigh off, but with 6 votes to the winners' 7, he's out at the first hurdle.

Thigh off 3 winner - Thigh B.
Frank only got 2 votes in this, but that doesn't mean anything really. They're still hot thighs!

Thigh off 4 winner - Thigh A.
Baby Mata still has a fair way to go to equal the standards of the winning thigh. Still he got a very respectable 6 of the 14 votes.

Thigh off 5 winner - Thigh A.
This was another pretty one sided contest, Mori lost out. Don't worry, you're still a winner in my heart.

Thigh off 6 winner - Thigh A.
I am really shocked by this. Stevie only got 2 votes :O

Anyway, the first part of the next round will be up later today. Because I didn't think this through too well (i.e. didn't think that I'd only end up with 3 thighs going through here) the final is going to be a three way thing. Votes for the first part of the next round will open as soon as the post goes up, and they will remain open until 00.01GMT on Sunday. Then the second part will close a day later and the final part will close at 00.01GMT on Tuesday.

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So...

I read this a few days ago, and despite the massive rant I had in the comments on there, I guess I just wanted to do one of these myself. Any regular visitors will by now have realised I love Valencia like I love oxygen. Any new visitors, you'll quickly come to realise that fact. They're one of those things I need in my life, I can't explain why or how the obsession got quite this bad, but I'm sure as hell not complaining. They'll end up putting me in hospital one of these days, my heart just cannot take all the drama they bring with them. Former smoker here boys, give it a few years until all the negative effects are out of my system, yes? Having said that, I just can't not watch them. They cause heart attacks on and off the pitch, but I'm willing to risk that. Anyway, as of late, they have basically not been performing to the standards I know they can. There's various reasons for that, but that can go in a whole different post, because quite frankly, I don't have the energy to keep up anymore. Instead, I decided to write my own list of things they can do to improve.

1 - Do not even THINK about selling any key players. I know that'll bring some money in and fix things temporarily. The trouble is, Valencia don't need a temporary fix. They need a permanent one. Selling Dahveed will bring in, what - €40mil? That's not even going to come close to covering the debts. It'll give them the money to pay the players, and continue work on the new stadium, but what happens when that's gone? Do they have to sell another player? Do they have to KEEP selling players? In the end, they're going to end up with all the big names leaving, not even through choice, and that won't fix anything because they'll still have crippling debts. They need to stop worrying about all the money problems, play like I know they can on the pitch and make sure they're in as many competitions as possible. Getting into the CL alone would bring a lot of money.

2 - Give the defence some lessons. Seriously, at first it was kind of amusing. Now it's just getting worrying. The defence have absolutely zero confidence right now, they're leaking goals like they're going out of fashion. Marchena's criticised the manager's style of play, but I don't think that's the issue here. I've said it already, the attacking style of play does not mean the defence can't still do their job at the other end. Leave it to the strikers to score the goals, that's what they're there for. Scoring own goals is not the way to go about restoring confidence. Albiol has had a terrible run lately. Marchena's been too concerned with scoring goals to care about stopping them going in at the other end. Also, last time I checked, you were a defender too Marchena. How about practising what you preach, because for Spain, you're pretty much awesome. For Valencia - no comment. It wasn't too long ago someone described the back 4 as the three clowns and the blond assassin. The sad thing is, I actually agreed. I love them all so motherfucking much, and it hurts watching them play like this. The defence just need to learn how to defend all over again, just one clean sheet will probably help them out a lot. Key players missing through injury has also not helped matters at all, so don't pin it all on the manager. Unai's only mistake is not letting Vicente play more often.

3 - Speaking of which. Play Vicente. I know I am like a broken record on this subject, but come on. Are you honestly telling me that he doesn't deserve the games? Every time he comes on, Valencia look like a different team. They step it up a level in attack, and he absolutely pwns the defenders. After so many years of constant injury problems, he's finally fit and he's still not getting the games. I want to know why the fuck not. Anyone with half a brain can see how much he's needed and how much he loves the team. Let him help. If he fucks up (which I'm 99.9% sure he won't) then you can blame me. Just give him a chance ffs, it's getting tiresome wondering what if he'd been playing from the start.

4 - The transfer rumors need to stop. Jesus, how many times does Dahveed have to say he wants to stay. Why would he sign a contract until 2014 if he wanted to be playing elsewhere? All you rich boys may have money to throw around, but you clearly have no concept of loyalty. Some people just don't care about the money, they care about their families and their teams. If any of them leave, then fine, but it has to be because THEY want to, not because the team is so desperate for money, they'll take any offer made. Transfer rumours do nothing except distract players from what they're supposed to be doing. I'm sick of reading about it. Especially when the transfer window is closed. Like hello geniuses, they're not going to bend the rules for you just because you're rich. You can wait it out until the window opens. And then you can go fuck yourselves if you think I'm letting any of them go without a fight.

5 - Ditto the public news about the money problems. We all know how bad things have gotten. Saying it over and over isn't going to change it or magic up a solution from thin air. Yes, the finances are in a godawful state, yes they need money, and yes it's going to be a hard few years. We know all of this. The players know all this. They're not being paid. And as much as they say this isn't affecting them and that they don't mind, it's all lies. It IS affecting them, they haven't won in god only knows how long, they haven't kept a clean sheet in something ridic like 20 games. It's worrying that the last time they went a game without conceding was November 2008. And nobody ever wants to work for free. It won't be long before they start getting annoyed and take their trade elsewhere. I don't want to see it happen, but if things carry on like this, it's inevitable.

6 - Give them some anger management/team therapy. Especially Marchena for the anger management. Every time I see him, he's yelling. At the ref, at the team, just yelling at thin air. That's hardly the way to motivate people, I'm sure they all know they're underperforming. They don't need you to tell them that. Also, if they're low on confidence, going around saying that maybe people are expecting too much of them is not the way to go about making them play better. Seriously Baraja, don't ever say that again. The team is every bit as good as those around them. Is it wrong for the fans to want to see you win a game once in a while? Because if it is, tough shit, I'm not going to apologise for believing in you all. Maybe you should try it too, it'll work wonders.


7 - Please just win a game. Score a goal, hold onto that lead. It's really not rocket science and it's really not that difficult. Don't make me relive the Koeman era again, I think I'm over the 'slitting my wrists' attitude when it comes to football but don't try and test that theory out. And stop being so over reliant on Veeyah. There are how many world class attacking players in that team? Without Dahveed there to score the goals, sometimes you'd think it was a bunch of amateurs. I know he has that natural goal scoring instinct that all the great strikers have, but that doesn't mean the rest of you can sit back and relax and let him score it all. When he's not there, it shows.

8 - PLAY VICENTE!!! Yeah, this is so important, I had to mention it twice. Mata is a brilliant player. He had a great start to the season, but he's only young, and playing this many games is starting to take it's toll on him. He's not looking as sharp as he was at the start. Give him a few games rest, Vicente is more than capable of covering for him. I don't understand why he's not playing as many games as his body can handle. He started off playing in all the cups, but then towards the end, he didn't even start those games. He's more than a good substitute. He's a starter, so start him. It saddens me that one of the greatest left wingers of his time is left to waste away on the bench, and has been reduced to nothing more than an impact player to come on when the opposition are tired. 20 or 30 minutes are not enough for him to show what he can do. Seriously, he may be a genius, but even he can't perform miracles of the kind Valencia need right now in 20/30 minutes.

I'm sure there's a lot more I could say on the subject, but I'll spare you. I'm just going to go back and watch the games from the start of the season when they were defending and scoring and winning. And top of the table, rather than 6th.

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Monday, 2 March 2009

I am pulling an all nighter

My first one since my first year, and what a time to do it. Of course, I had this assignment all mapped out in my head. I was waiting until the last possible minute to actually start writing in just in case anything else relevant occurred. It completely slipped my mind that seeing as I work weekends, that's two days less to complete it. Then, of course, I wrote the deadline down wrong. Like duh. Thinking it was due on Wednesday morning and that I'd be able to do some last minute work on it tomorrow then hand it in, I left a fair chunk of it to do. Needless to say, when I checked and saw the deadline was 9am on Tuesday, I panicked. A lot. So now, I have to write roughly 1000 more words before 6.30 am, get a train to Brighton at 7am and hand in the work before the deadline. All this, and I have to remember the online copy before I leave, or I'll miss the deadline. Yeah, I'm not getting any sleep tonight. It's taken me roughly 4 hours to get the 1000 words I have. Another 4 hours to get the rest would mean 4am. If I fall asleep then, you can guarantee I am not waking up in the morning, so basically, I'd rather pull an all nighter. Oh coffee and cigarettes, how I need you. Sadly, I quit smoking so I'll have to make do with just the caffeine fix. Oh boy. It's going to be a long night.

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Player of the week


So, I made a last minute management decision this week to buy Juan Rodriguez. Well, what a decision it was. He scored the winner and he is this week's winner of my player of the week award.

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Weekend = fail

I don't even want to go into what the fuck happened in the football this weekend. Liverpool were fail. Valencia were fail. The whole bloody weekend was fail. Except Barca losing, that was not quite so fail...

But anyway, I don't want to write a match report quite frankly. I'm getting sick of writing the same stuff over and over when it comes to Valencia. Vicente's not starting. When he comes on, the team plays about 359482 times better. The next game, he's on the bench again. Seriously, what does he need to do to get a starting spot??

Because I don't want to write anything and pics tend to make me feel better, have some:

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Oh Albiol :(
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The guy is having such a bad run of late, I don't even know what to say. I thought Marchena was supposed to be the one that couldn't defend...

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Sunday, 1 March 2009

I want to make babies with Iker and Vicente

Ok, before I start this, just remember I have 2 clubs, so some answers will be about Liverpool and some will be about Valencia. I also have 2 NT's because my actual one sucks and I like jumping on bangwagons (not really, I just prefer club over country and Spain have more of my club player than England do). Just depends on the questions I guess...

A) 3 players you like who play for a rival team(s)
1) Phil Jagielka
2) Cesc Fabregas
3) Andres Palop

B) A player from a rival team that you would unfunfunfff
1) Iker Casillas

C) The player who got you into football
1) Michael Owen and Vicente

D) 2 players you dislike for club but like for country
1) Gerard Pique
2) Owen Hargreaves

E) A player who you used to like but not anymore
1) Joey Barton

F) A relatively unknown player who you are a fan of
1) Carlos Vela

G) A player who has grown on you
1) Santi Cazorla

H) A player you love who has left your club
1) Pablo Aimar

I) A player you could not stand who has left your club
1) El Hadji Diouf

J) 3 players who you liked for their talent before you considered their looks
1) Vicente
2) Steven Gerrard
3) Dahveed Veeyah (it was Kaka, but then Vanilla Bear pointed out I haven't answered Dahveed for anything. And I think I fancied Kaka before I appreciated his skillz...)

K) The one player you would 1000000000% put out for ;)
1) Vicente (gee whizz, what a shock...)

L) A player you like who plays in a league you don't follow
1) Kaka

M) 3 players who you don't understand the appeal of
1) Cristiano Ronaldo
2) Joe Hart
3) Michael Ballack

N) A player you like but is disliked by most
1) Xavi (I'm doing this based on looks cos everyone I like is super skilled and loved by all)

O) The player who you will love unconditionally no matter what
1) Ok, well this is turning into a bit of a one sided thing but...Vicente.

Now take the first names you answered for questions: A) L) J) and play a game of F/M/K!
Fuck: Kaka
Marry: Vicente
Kill: Phil Jagielka

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