So...

I read this a few days ago, and despite the massive rant I had in the comments on there, I guess I just wanted to do one of these myself. Any regular visitors will by now have realised I love Valencia like I love oxygen. Any new visitors, you'll quickly come to realise that fact. They're one of those things I need in my life, I can't explain why or how the obsession got quite this bad, but I'm sure as hell not complaining. They'll end up putting me in hospital one of these days, my heart just cannot take all the drama they bring with them. Former smoker here boys, give it a few years until all the negative effects are out of my system, yes? Having said that, I just can't not watch them. They cause heart attacks on and off the pitch, but I'm willing to risk that. Anyway, as of late, they have basically not been performing to the standards I know they can. There's various reasons for that, but that can go in a whole different post, because quite frankly, I don't have the energy to keep up anymore. Instead, I decided to write my own list of things they can do to improve.

1 - Do not even THINK about selling any key players. I know that'll bring some money in and fix things temporarily. The trouble is, Valencia don't need a temporary fix. They need a permanent one. Selling Dahveed will bring in, what - €40mil? That's not even going to come close to covering the debts. It'll give them the money to pay the players, and continue work on the new stadium, but what happens when that's gone? Do they have to sell another player? Do they have to KEEP selling players? In the end, they're going to end up with all the big names leaving, not even through choice, and that won't fix anything because they'll still have crippling debts. They need to stop worrying about all the money problems, play like I know they can on the pitch and make sure they're in as many competitions as possible. Getting into the CL alone would bring a lot of money.

2 - Give the defence some lessons. Seriously, at first it was kind of amusing. Now it's just getting worrying. The defence have absolutely zero confidence right now, they're leaking goals like they're going out of fashion. Marchena's criticised the manager's style of play, but I don't think that's the issue here. I've said it already, the attacking style of play does not mean the defence can't still do their job at the other end. Leave it to the strikers to score the goals, that's what they're there for. Scoring own goals is not the way to go about restoring confidence. Albiol has had a terrible run lately. Marchena's been too concerned with scoring goals to care about stopping them going in at the other end. Also, last time I checked, you were a defender too Marchena. How about practising what you preach, because for Spain, you're pretty much awesome. For Valencia - no comment. It wasn't too long ago someone described the back 4 as the three clowns and the blond assassin. The sad thing is, I actually agreed. I love them all so motherfucking much, and it hurts watching them play like this. The defence just need to learn how to defend all over again, just one clean sheet will probably help them out a lot. Key players missing through injury has also not helped matters at all, so don't pin it all on the manager. Unai's only mistake is not letting Vicente play more often.

3 - Speaking of which. Play Vicente. I know I am like a broken record on this subject, but come on. Are you honestly telling me that he doesn't deserve the games? Every time he comes on, Valencia look like a different team. They step it up a level in attack, and he absolutely pwns the defenders. After so many years of constant injury problems, he's finally fit and he's still not getting the games. I want to know why the fuck not. Anyone with half a brain can see how much he's needed and how much he loves the team. Let him help. If he fucks up (which I'm 99.9% sure he won't) then you can blame me. Just give him a chance ffs, it's getting tiresome wondering what if he'd been playing from the start.

4 - The transfer rumors need to stop. Jesus, how many times does Dahveed have to say he wants to stay. Why would he sign a contract until 2014 if he wanted to be playing elsewhere? All you rich boys may have money to throw around, but you clearly have no concept of loyalty. Some people just don't care about the money, they care about their families and their teams. If any of them leave, then fine, but it has to be because THEY want to, not because the team is so desperate for money, they'll take any offer made. Transfer rumours do nothing except distract players from what they're supposed to be doing. I'm sick of reading about it. Especially when the transfer window is closed. Like hello geniuses, they're not going to bend the rules for you just because you're rich. You can wait it out until the window opens. And then you can go fuck yourselves if you think I'm letting any of them go without a fight.

5 - Ditto the public news about the money problems. We all know how bad things have gotten. Saying it over and over isn't going to change it or magic up a solution from thin air. Yes, the finances are in a godawful state, yes they need money, and yes it's going to be a hard few years. We know all of this. The players know all this. They're not being paid. And as much as they say this isn't affecting them and that they don't mind, it's all lies. It IS affecting them, they haven't won in god only knows how long, they haven't kept a clean sheet in something ridic like 20 games. It's worrying that the last time they went a game without conceding was November 2008. And nobody ever wants to work for free. It won't be long before they start getting annoyed and take their trade elsewhere. I don't want to see it happen, but if things carry on like this, it's inevitable.

6 - Give them some anger management/team therapy. Especially Marchena for the anger management. Every time I see him, he's yelling. At the ref, at the team, just yelling at thin air. That's hardly the way to motivate people, I'm sure they all know they're underperforming. They don't need you to tell them that. Also, if they're low on confidence, going around saying that maybe people are expecting too much of them is not the way to go about making them play better. Seriously Baraja, don't ever say that again. The team is every bit as good as those around them. Is it wrong for the fans to want to see you win a game once in a while? Because if it is, tough shit, I'm not going to apologise for believing in you all. Maybe you should try it too, it'll work wonders.


7 - Please just win a game. Score a goal, hold onto that lead. It's really not rocket science and it's really not that difficult. Don't make me relive the Koeman era again, I think I'm over the 'slitting my wrists' attitude when it comes to football but don't try and test that theory out. And stop being so over reliant on Veeyah. There are how many world class attacking players in that team? Without Dahveed there to score the goals, sometimes you'd think it was a bunch of amateurs. I know he has that natural goal scoring instinct that all the great strikers have, but that doesn't mean the rest of you can sit back and relax and let him score it all. When he's not there, it shows.

8 - PLAY VICENTE!!! Yeah, this is so important, I had to mention it twice. Mata is a brilliant player. He had a great start to the season, but he's only young, and playing this many games is starting to take it's toll on him. He's not looking as sharp as he was at the start. Give him a few games rest, Vicente is more than capable of covering for him. I don't understand why he's not playing as many games as his body can handle. He started off playing in all the cups, but then towards the end, he didn't even start those games. He's more than a good substitute. He's a starter, so start him. It saddens me that one of the greatest left wingers of his time is left to waste away on the bench, and has been reduced to nothing more than an impact player to come on when the opposition are tired. 20 or 30 minutes are not enough for him to show what he can do. Seriously, he may be a genius, but even he can't perform miracles of the kind Valencia need right now in 20/30 minutes.

I'm sure there's a lot more I could say on the subject, but I'll spare you. I'm just going to go back and watch the games from the start of the season when they were defending and scoring and winning. And top of the table, rather than 6th.